Watching porn is a rite of passage for most men. It begins with a few visuals, like that proverbial Playboy magazine several friends passes around well before they are old enough to learn what it all means. Eventually a young man discovers the visual and aural stimulation of moving video, and that often begins a lifelong love of porn. In fact, the sore penis that results from far too much porn watching might turn into a man’s first foray into figuring out good penis care.

But when a guy begins to enjoy pleasure with someone outside of the screen, he is all too often disappointed by the vast gulf between what porn teaches him and what really happens in the bedroom. For the uninitiated, here are a few things to never actually expect to translate from the screen to the bedroom.

Perfect bodies. All of the participants in a porn video are generally very young and healthy. And if they aren’t, the video producers use tricks of camera angles and lighting to hide any flaws. The result may be the belief a woman should look a particular way, and a man should too. That may definitely lead to disappointment in the bedroom.

Instant hardness. Men in porn are very rarely seen in a flaccid state. The moment a woman walks over the screen, they are hard enough to crush diamonds. The truth is that most porn productions work with a ‘fluffer’ – a woman whose only job is to get yourself a man hard before he walks onscreen. What appears to be ‘instant’ really is just an illusion.

thothub She gets off fast. Women in porn seem to feel as though every touch is orgasmic, and they appear to have numerous orgasms throughout one session. The simple truth is very different. Women usually need a very specific kind of stimulation, for much more than just a few seconds, in order to get turned on – significantly less to get off.

Noise, noise, noise! A porn video is filled with aural stimulation, which is part of why most guys love it so much. And who wouldn’t? The problem is that women aren’t really going to make noises like that between the sheets. Sure, they might be enthusiastic and make some noise, however the sounds in a porn film won’t likely be replicated in the bedroom.

Money shots. Here’s a fascinating stat: porn actors ejaculate somewhere apart from the vagina 81 percent of that time period. Quite often they do it on her body or most commonly, her face. The thing is that 80 percent of ladies in real life report not liking that one move. So unless she approves beforehand, don’t expect to replicate this.

Crazy moves. Remember the ‘fluffer’ and the illusion she creates? The same thing is true of a woman who is able to do wild things in porn, like anal intercourse without the preparation, or double penetration. In each case, the situation has been prepped and carefully coordinated off-camera. Again, don’t be prepared to replicate things like this!